Don't piss on my parade
There's something in the air tonight, and it aint good. I don't know if it's some bad cosmic vibe or what, but the tension is so thick you can cut it whth a knife. I personally am not a contributor to the bad vibe, but a recipiant of the bullshit. As usual. And I'm pisses about it, and I need to vent, even if it is into cyberfuckinspace. I am tired of being on the receiving end of peoples messed up lives. See, I try to be a patient, understanding person, going through life trying to make the least amount of waves for people that I possibly can. I try my best to be upbeat, happy, have a positive outlook no matter what the situation. All I ask in return is to not be screwed with. Don't take me for granted. Don't go and mess up my day just cause you feel like it. Some people don't think twice about yelling at me, calling me names, being rude to me, and playing head games. I don't do this shit to anyone. And yet this is what I get. Is this the price for being nice? I always hope that I can be a good example. But what am is a doormat. I know deep inside that I'm not doing anything wrong, and that it's the trip of the other people, but that doesn't make me feel any better.
I am under a great deal of stress everyday at work, something that no one around here seems to understand. They all think it's in my head. Sometimes I don't think I can bear another day there, yet I hang in and try to give it another try. I do my best. Even dealing with anxiety attacks on occasion. For years, I listened to others talk about their jobs, and never was anything but supportive about their decisions. I don't think they could last at my job for a month.
The only true calm time I have is when I'm driving my Vette. I don't think about anything else but the ride. Sadly, I can't do this as often as I would like. Or as often as other people persue their hobbies. I guess I could, but I don't like to put things aside to do so. See, I have laundry, shopping, beds to make, a house to clean, a dinner to make, etc. And I get asked why I didn't cut the grass! WTF? Are you kidding me?! I'm not cutting the goddamn grass. It's just the principle of the whole thing. If I'm not appreciated for all I do now, why should I throw lawn work on to the heap? I may be nuts, but I'm no asshole. Cut the grass your own damn self. In fact, the friggin' grass can grow taller than the house, and I wouldn't give a damn.
Right now I feel like getting in my car and driving to Mexico or someplace crazy. I feel like I want to scream. All the way to Mexico. And drink Tequila for a week.
People need to get their shit together, not just share theri neurosis with me, and bring me down too. Talking about it is one thing, but then they gotta do something to change their situation. Me listening to them, and being their sounding board isn't gonna mane their life better. It only makes me feel like shit. And hitting them upside the head. Maybe I just gotta get mean. I do have it in me, I just don't like to deal that way. I'm not a bad vibe kinda person, and I find it hard to send out nastiness. It's not my style. But lately, I'm running out of options, and unleashing my fury may be my only option. That and picking up a bottle of Tequila.
