Ahhhh.....Young Love

A big "Happy 1st Anniversary" wish to Nick & Amanda! Celebrate and enjoy your special day tomorrow!

I'm leaving the day behind.......shaking off the crud left behind by the morons. Everyone at work just sapped my energy today, for one reason or another. I couldn't wait to get away from them. I felt so much better when I got home, went outside in the cool air. I felt like I could breathe again. I wasn't trapped anymore....... listening to their idiotic babble. On and on. I thought the day would never end. But now I feel calm and relaxed. When I go out into the cool night air, and everything is quiet ,except for the rustle of wind in the trees, I come together again. I'm back in touch with me. I can think again....clear thoughts. One with the night. Goodnight.

I don't wanna be a grown-up tonight. I don't want to know that my Mom is in the hospital and having a bad time of it. I don't want to be my Mom's Mom. I don't want to go to bed again and ask God to make her well, like I have done for the past 40 years. I pray for her, but that's all I can do. I want to call my Mom with my worries, and hear her say that it will be allright. I've never known what it's like to do that, and I never will. I have to be the strong one, and right now I don't want to be. I don't mean to sound selfish, but sometimes even the strong need love too. I miss my Mom.

I feel angry, helpless and frustrated tonight. I try very hard to be a patient and kind person, and yet I feel like I continually get emotionally "beat up" all the time. Like certain people think, "Hey, she's a push-over, I think I'll just dump all my mental bullshit on her". God I'm getting sick of it. Being a safe haven for everyone that has some sort of neuroses, is bullshit. Hey, like I have feelings too. I learned how to handle my bullshit, by my own self. The hard way. Get a clue. Get a fuckin self-help book and read it. Get your heads outta your asses and grow up already. I did. I'm not your supreme life leader. I'm not Buddah and I don't have all the answers. When I offer em' you don't listen anyway. Why is it the people with the biggest mouths, know the least?

There's no place like home...

I used my days off to get all our Christmas stuff up, and now I go back to work just as tired as when I left. I'm a tad bit frustrated too. I really do love putting all the holiday decor together, even though it is alot of work. I've done it solo for the past 20 years. But I gotta tell ya, it's starting to wear a bit thin anymore. It's getting to be a bit of a pain to work full time, run a house and be the Christmas freakin' fairy too. And then to add insult to injury, my not-so-helpful-elves ask, "what's stressin' you out so bad"? Are they brain dead or what? Now these comments are coming from people that on their days off do next to nothing. Hubbs golfs so much anymore, I'd like to wrap a club around his neck. And the teenager has to rest for 20 hours after working for 6. Sometimes I feel like Dorothy in the Land of Oz. Who are these weird people I'm with, where the hell's the Wizard, and how do I get home?? Help!!!!

I know I haven't been here in a few days, and for this I do appologize. But with the crazy holiday hours, I've been a step above dead by the time I get home, and the last thing I've felt like doing is sitting down and putting my thoughts here. You wouldn't have wanted to hear em anyway. Well, today was a new day............and a day off to boot. I was really into getting our Christmas stuff up, so I dug in and got a good start. I was soooo thrilled yesterday when I opend the new tree I bought on Saturday and it was perfect!! I mean, absolutely perfect! It's a 7 foot slim profile tree that fits just right in the small space we have. I was pretty bummed that our other tree wouldn't fit this year ( thanks to my computer desk) and there was no way that we were not gonna have a tree. A table top tree was not an option here. Anyway, it's just right, and looks great already, even if it only has lights on it at the moment.

Am I the only one who can mind my business and take care of myself yet get in to trouble for just breathing? I go over the top with taking care of everything yet and still....it is not enough. When is it my turn to get a break? Hell I am working tomorrow and avoiding all the shit at home. Be damn glad to be at work too. Did i just say that? think i need to start drinking.
As for the xmas shopping Karma.....yeah i mowed down three old ladies to get the cd player for your ungrateful ass.....think i will just keep it for myself now!! Not! Karma is the greatest woman i know. I would pay full price.......maybe .....well if the line is really long and i have to get up at 6.....yeah shes worth full price. Nite

Happy Black Friday. For anyone working retail, this translates to " I can't wait to start work at the butt-crack of dawn, and greet a crazy mob of bargain hunting lunatics, with little or no regard for their fellow shoppers, and keep a big smile on my face as they grab my shirt trying to get my attention, all the while saying Happy Holidays, and listening to White Christmas being played for the 100th freakin' time in 9 hours." And the season has just started. I personally think that all the "America stands united" stuff totally went out the window this morning, when they're standing at Wal Mart at 6am, anxiously waiting for the doors to open so they can get that $19.99 CD player for their best friend. Boy oh boy, you'll be a big hero on her list when you tell her that you plowed down 5 old ladies while racing to the electronics department for that special gift. Go you!! I guess all consideration for your "fellow Americans" goes right down the tubes when sales and bargains are involved.

Happy Thanksgiving. for the past couple of days I have been taking care of Karma's Queen.. the family pet. She is so sweet and so old and so frail looking. I Love her to death.. Tonight I left my dog out and went to Karma's to take the Queen out... lumbering as she does to the back yard I followed her.. feeling so sorry for this once scary as shit dog.....my dog hears us and breaks her chain coming over... the Queen still has it in her!!! She drug me all the way to Karma's front door after my dog. Of course chicken shit dog that I have ran like hell home. The Queen enters her home and stands looking at me with a smile* gotta love that old lady. Thanks for letting me care for the Queen. On the topic of old woman...... I called my own mother to wish her a happy turkey day.... and you know what.......I can't remember hanging up the phone! I worried all day that I hung up while she was talking. I was scared I had a major brain fart and would prob soon fall over dead of a brain aneurysm.. (spelling left to the reader). After many hours of trying to reason what happened to the phone call I swallowed my pride and called her back. When I explained this to her she laughed and said she wished she had known she would have "played" me for all I was worth! Come to realize my sister had taken the phone to say hello to her and when she was done she had hung up. I was busy doing the dishes and had not even noticed. So Mom say's "had I known I would have called you back and chewed you out for hanging up on me, just to hear your reaction"........like I don't carry enough guilt for the world.. Mom has to add to it whenever possible.......Gotta Love them old ladies. Off to take my geritrol and climb into my posturepedic bed... nite all......

Ya know, something just came to me. I think the reason I have a hard time designing web pages is because I don't have a "geek-type" brain. Now exactly what this involves, I dunno. All I do know, is that everyone that seems to be any good at this shit usually uses the word "geek" somewhere in their conversation. I hope this is not the case, as I don't aspire to become a geek in any way, shape or form. Since high school, geek doesn't really hold wonderfully positive imagery. Still doesn't. I wonder if there is hope for me....a non-geek trying to make a web page. God I hope so.

shit here we go with the guilt trip again... ok heres a post from me. Not much going on.. playing the medical game over here...damn doctors..i know whats wrong and what i need.. two docs say go to emergency room.........scuse me but fuck that... wait till i die then see the law suits hit your asses.......you read it here......lol too bad they dont read blogger!!

My posts may not be earth shattering..................but at least I try to post regularly.

I've been working on a new web site, one that I can ftp these blogs to. Hopefully I'll have it done in a week or so (retail hours are getting crazy now!) and I'll post the new address then. Right now I'm still in the design and layout phase........wish me luck.

I awoke today in a very calm and peacful state of mind, and I'm so happy to have my inner calmness back. It's very hard to stay in this place, as outside influences fight to enter and disrupt the tranquility. I'm back to meditation again, as it keeps me centered and focused, although I don't do it as much as I probably should. There is so much stress related negativity in the air anymore, what with all that has happened over the past couple of months. Sometimes I feel like a sponge, in that I absorb the vibes around me. At times it can be overwhelming, like it has been lately, and that's when I need to retreat from it all for awhile and re-group. So for the time being I'm not reading the paper, watching the news or discussing current events. What is, is and what will be, will be. I will now find bliss in a hot bubble bath, a steaming cup of orange spice tea and a night filled with zzzzzzzzzzz's. Ahhhhhhhh! Sweet dreams.

I have beautiful "little sparkles" in my life.......my friends. I don't have many, but just as with precious gems, only one or two is all you need to feel special. They are rare gems indeed, and they have a radience in their souls, that burns brighter than anything I've ever known. Or will ever know. They are fragile spirits, but strong souls, and my life has been made ever so magical because of their presence in it. Thank you for your beautiful gift of just being you, my friend. Thanks for sharing this journey we call life, with me. I just thought you should know. I just felt you needed to know. Love.

Crystal clear night, twinkling glitter stars dance above in the blackness. Pure beauty. Crystal clear thoughts in my head again........finally. It seems like it took an eternity to shake out the static.

My new journey begins now........fade to black. Black is a blank slate....fresh and new. Untouched. This is where I begin. If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, then so be it. If you do understand, then, you always have and you always will.

Tonight, no not just tonight actually, but for awhile now.....I feel the need to go deeper here. Past the usual bullshit.... work, home, holidays, politics, moods, etc. Bla, bla, bla. There's more going on in my head, and my soul, but I just can't tap into it. I need to move others thoughts out, and dig deeper into my own. I'm getting real bored, real fast with superficial ramblings. Tired of writing them....even more weary of reading them. I find nothing worth reading right now.

She loses ten grand and i have a party for 7 nine year olds. Now who do you really feel sorry for? Me right? Well have to hand it to Karma shes out there really plugging away for the man... and her Vette. I spoke to Krazy last eve and was straight up with her.....gotta be nice to her now........I think shes still in shock. I can be brutal sometimes. Not often but i have my moments. I am posting tonight cause i made a promise.. but after today i find myself exhausted and in dire need of more sleep. My body is wearing out fast. Dont fret............. the spirit is still nasty ass shit.....so dont even test me. Taking monday off work may post a surprise entry then.. who knows.. thats two days away.. i dont know from one day to the next what will be going on ..... we shall see....nite all

Work today didn't start out well at all. Everything was fine and dandy till I hit the front door, then all "commission hell" broke loose. Joe informed me that the huge deal we were working on, had all but dwindled to nothing. These assholes have been pissing with us for a week now, and frankly we've had just enuff of their bull shit. The only thing that was keeping us civil was that they were spending ten thousand freakin dollars. Hell ya I'm an ass-kisser for ten grand. Then to boot, another deal I made, and delivered, didn't fit in the customers door, so they not only returned it, they decided there was nothing else they liked in the store. Another one bites the dust. So as you see, I started my day by losing a shit load of moolah. The day didn't get much better after that either. *sigh*

I had a revelation this afternoon. I will never be rich, thanks to Wal Mart and *insert any Dollar Store name here*. Thats the truth as I see it....the cold, hard fact. I can not walk into a Wal Mart or a Dollar Store and only get what I went in for. Never, never, ever. Although I must say the worst of the two is the Dollar Store. I mean, how can you go wrong when everything is a buck!! Suddenly, shit I don't even need, becomes instantly attractive with a $1.oo sticker on it. My bank account is forever doomed.

Great, I have a friggin headache now. I was surfing the web a bit ago, just randomly checking out new sites, and I'll tell ya what.... some of the sites out there are enuff to give you an anurism. Just to navigate through some of their pages, takes longer than it took to build the Brooklyn Bridge, for gods sake! Ya get flash pages, twirling icons, flashing buttons, a gazillion links, all kinds of circus bullshit, just to arrive at.........Nuthin. No content. No brain cells firing here. Nada. Now, by no content, I don't in anyway mean the folks that talk about their everyday lives and such. You don't have to be a Hemigway or a journalist to have a good, interesting, enjoyable site. I'm talking about folks that spew out their mangled brainwaves onto the web, and you can't even figure out what the hell they're talking about. (This is where I ran into trouble, I tried to make sense of the writings.) Random incoherent sentences, meant to fry the brain cells, of the likes of you and me. Hey, if you're on a friggin' morphine drip, don't try to write a journal buddy. If you just put down your crack pipe, don't blog and screw up my cranium, as I try to find a shred of sense in your drug induced words of wisdom. And the bitch of it is, that you have to go through all the "hypnotica" bullshit, to get to the "no content" part. So, after hitting about 10 of these entertaining sites, here comes the headache. Needless to say, no new links will be added tonight. Advil please. Or better yet, pass the morphine drip.

It was a beautiful, spring-like day today, and I really enjoyed the fact that I was home and being lazy on this pretty day. I ran into town for a bit, and stopped in at Earthshine for a look around. I haven't been there for awhile, and I felt like picking up a few tid-bits for myself. I bought some incense, a pair of fairy earrings, a dragonfly earring and a beautiful fairy/crystal pendant. I just love browsing around in that store....kind of a hippie type store with lots off neat beads, jewelry, cd's, clothes, etc. I never leave empty handed, and the owner (I can't remember her name, but she's a sweetheart) always gives me a deal on whatever I buy. Super people indeed. Now it's really pissin' me off that I can't remember her name. Sheesh.

First, I want to appologise for not bloggin' along with the group in so long. Feel free to yell at me in the comments!! It's all good though!
I'm pleased to report I got my mom "hooked up" on the internet tonight. Had to install a router and run some network cable, but she is up and running! She's used to using AOL, so I think that getting acclimated to the regular "web browser" interface is a little new to her. But I gotta give her credit - she's doing a great job. I think she's just happy to be able to download MP3s again (her true love, LOL).
Oh, and Nick's birthday party was great, even if it didn't go exactly according to plan! Often, I think, those unplanned surprises are more fun anyway!!

Happy, Happy 19th Nick!!!!

Tomorrow is my son Nicks 19th birthday.... 19!! Yikes, where has all the time gone?? It just totally blows my mind to think that I have a 19 year old son. After all, I sure as hell don't feel any older than that myself! (well....maybe just a tad bit) I mean, it wasn't that long ago that I was 19. (well, maybe it was a little bit ago) But all that aside, sheesh, things are moving way too fast here. It seems that when they're little, time just seems to drag it's feet....slowly moving from diapers, to training pants, to potty training to "big boy undies", all to the tune of lullabyes and nursery rhymes. Days spent playing, napping, watching TV and giggling.....blowing bubbles and watching Sesame Street. Like one long, flowing pastel memory, it just floats on by. Slow and easy. Then you hit the middle school and high school years, and all hell breaks loose! Hormones break loose, the attitude kicks into high gear and it's just like that bumper sticker says..."Get in, sit down, buckle up and hold on....it's gonna be a bumpy ride'". Amen. Couldn't have said it better myself. A mom must have thought up that one, 'cause it describes the ride from 12 on perfectly. It's fast, it's furious and it sure as hell is bumpy. Now after around 15, things really get wild. Begin blurr here. You have a new driver on the road, who hopefully hasn't just seen "The Fast & the Furious". Waiting for them to arrive safely home is the new ritual. This is the time to give that cel phone as a gift. No excuse for being late!! Girlfriends are also a big factor here, and these also affect not only the raging hormones but the attitude factor. Luckily, we have been very fortunate in this area. ( the girlfriend part, not the attitude. We have attitude to spare!) Our son has a girlfriend that we totally love to pieces. Amanda's a sweetie. Other parents aren't as lucky. I've heard the stories. Before ya know it, you're on to Senior year.......senior photos, class ring, (get out the Platinum card...don't put away yet), Prom, after Prom, graduation, graduation party, graduation gift, school tuition, prozac, alchohol & rehab. The last three items are for us parents. Platinum card just upped your limit!!! They love you man!! So here we are again, back at 19. We're very fortunate, our son Nick is a great guy. An honest kid, doesn't party, has nice friends, and really hasn't given us much trouble along the journey from diapers to adulthood. So a big Happy 19th Birthday Nick! Enjoy every moment of your special day. All our love to you always....but you know that. And hey, let's try to slow thing down a bit, okay? Sheesh!! *hugs*

Hey there!
Glad i finally got a moment to check out the neighbors... I too saw the stealths......but didnt know what i was watching until now.. now i know i was aposta be scared. I was a ways from them but they were really attention getters.....nothing so stealth about them at night.
I am down in the dumps and tried to stay away from human kind as of late. Feeling a bit better so you just may see me for coffee and pie yet. Work has been odd... there is a native there that came to me the other day and wanted to know what was going on. She said she felt they were all out to get me.. that she could see the trap being laid. I have felt it for a week now.. I just am unsure of the reason behind it. My pay was short $150.......so now do i go and complain on top of all thats going on? Shit ....... i need me a sugar daddy that likes me. Oh well off to work again in the morn so nitey nite.

My nerves are frazzled. I have a $10,000.00 deal pending at work. Needless to say, this would really be a big boost to my sales this month....and deals like this come along once in a blue moon. Problem is my customer is a rich, nose in the air, undecisive asshole who keeps playing phone-tag games with me. God if this all comes together, I'll be one happy chicka indeed!

Other than working till 10PM, today should be a good day at work. This is the wonderful time each month that we not only get our pay check, but our comission check as well. That is if you've been good, and sold enuff to please the "retail gods" as it were. The "gods" should be reasonable happy with me this month....though not elated. Basically, October sucked sales wise, and we had to scratch and claw for every freakin dollar. Hmf. Well, it's off to the "Grind" I go to mix and mingle with the dysfunctional mass I call co-workers. Later!

Sighting of Stealths slows interstate traffic

Interesting little story. Hubbs gets in from his long day on the road, and tells me that while he was traveling on interstate 79 this evening, (just after dusk), he noticed some lights in the sky that he thought were tower lights. Now, he found this quite unusual, as there are no towers in this area. (he's a private pilot, so he knows his tower locations around here). Upon further inspection, the lights turned out to be the lights on the undersides of 2 Stealth Bombers, flying slowly at around 1,ooo feet or so! He flipped out! He said he almost slammed on his brakes to watch, (not a cool thing to do on an interstate!) Everyone else on the road was slowing to catch a glimpse too. "They were huge", he said. When I asked him why they'd be around here, flying so low and slow, he said that there was an airplane flying around the Beaver Nuclear Power Plant yesterday , and that it disappeared. Radar couldn't track where it went. So they must be on patrol in the area. Hubbs then went on to tell me that you're not allowed to fly within a 10 mile radius of a nuclear power plant. Scary stuff.

I must say that I was a bit disappointed by the Ghost Cams I checked out last night. Hey, I figured Halloween night, full moon, midnight....lots of ghosts on the move right? Not. At least if they were, it wasn't where or when I was looking. Just thought it would be cool to see a spectre on Halloween. Okay, so I don't get out much. Sue me.

Well, another Halloween has come and gone, and I must say I was a bit disappointed, though not surprised, with the low count of kids out Trick or Treating last night. I even went out yesterday and bought extra candy (wishful thinking), so that I wouldn't run out. Lemme tell ya, not only didn't I run out......but I now have enuff candy to last me thru 2003. Really. I don't know if it's a good thing or not that I buy the candy that I love. If I'm not a diabetic now....I will be in about 6 months, as there's enuff sugar in that big bag of candy to send a dinosaur into shock! (Guess I'll have to pace myself, eh?) It was a beautiful night to be out, and the full moon was just gorgeous.